I’m lying on my couch, laptop propped against my bent knees, and through the porch window the sun is setting behind Mary’s Peak. A large tree is silhouetted against the dusky orange glow. My house is quiet except for the original 1920’s window in the bedroom ratting against the breeze.
It feels like the whole earth is taking a sigh of relief after the end of a long, fulfilling day. The peace is tangible.
I have been impatient all day because I haven’t been able to accomplish as much as I feel I need to. I spent the whole afternoon building a wall. Such a simple, inconsequential thing, but I did it all myself and I’m inordinately proud of it. It took me too long and I measured some boards incorrectly, which bothers me a lot but not enough to dismantle it. I thought of taking a picture of the wall, but at the time it seemed to small a thing to take pride in. Throughout the building of the wall, I had a text conversation with my sister. We told each other about women we know who believe “females” should have no place in church leadership and our frustration at such thinking. I told her how our church had recently hired a young woman as an associate pastor and also how another friend had left the church because of it. I know why people think this way, but I still can’t comprehend it and it ignites bitterness in my heart. During the building of the wall, I turned to a farm volunteer/former carpenter for construction advice and he told me, “don’t sweat it. Your husband and I can finish that wall tomorrow in no time.” Later he apologized. I’ve never been more proud of Keith for sticking up for me and saying ,”she likes this kind of project. She can do it.”
The wall fell on my foot while it was being finished. I sat on the filthy cement of the brooder house and said fuck and let the tears well up in my eyes. When the pain subsided a little, I removed my ragged running shoe and sock and inspected the swelling on the top of my foot. It will be terribly bruised tomorrow, I thought. I wanted to run today but I worked 11 hours and then a wall fell on my foot. I should have run today and I let the feeling of failure bite into my soul a little bit. But I’m so tired and it takes all the energy in me to drive the pickup home and cut some gouda onto a plate for a light dinner. Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one, I think.